So....It's been a while.

I've been busy in the past week or two. 

I did midterms, gave a presentation from hell, got one of my rats spayed, adopted three new baby rats(froot loop, trix, and coco puff).

This is for you, red.  Here is your post.   

The Importance Of (Kinky) Community

I've taken up an offer of ownership by a dom in the past month or so.  I thought for a really long time before I accepted, but what I thought about might be a different blog post.  Not this post, try again later.

Anyway, I've come to really accept the importance of community.  Earlier this week, I was having some doubts about my d/s relationship and I talked to three or four people in my kinky network.  Not so much looking for advice, but just looking for a safe place to ramble.

And this got me thinking about the importance of community.  Community creates a sort of transparency I think.  The same thing that enabled me to ramble through my issues enables doms to ramble through their issues.  It creates a safety net of sorts.  One that helps catch subpar doms, and subs that aren't committed.   It's a safety net I wouldn't want to live without.  

If you're kinky and don't have a place to ramble about your kinky related issues, dear god find one.

Emma Watson

"I find the whole concept of being "sexy"embarrassing and confusing.  If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me-dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe.  Then there is the choice of clothes.  I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt.  It's nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image.  I wouldn't d that.  Personally, I don't actually think it's even that sexy.  What's sexy about saying, 'I'm here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I've got?'  My idea of sexy is that less is more.  The less you reveal the more people can wonder."-Emma Watson

I think Emma Watson is a fox, I'd do her.  I'd like to point a few things out though. 

A)She kept her hair the same for 10+ years.  The hermione hair.  She didn't change because she was told not to, isn't that just as loud as changing because you're told to?  And if you watch the harry potter movies, you can see that her hair does get blonder as the movies go on.  Was that her choice, or the producers choice?

After the Harry Potter movies concluded she cut all her hair off as a belated act of teenage rebellion.  Not long after she cut it short she announced she was growing it out to make herself more hirable.

B)Right after she got that sexy short hair cut she's rocking there she did a whole rash of sexy photo shoots for different magazines and websites.  She was wearing sexy clothes in the majority of those photo shoots.  Did she pick those sexy outfits?  Probably not.  If looking sexy isn't on her radar, then why did she consent to such sexy photo shoots.  

C) Photographers want to change her?!  Shocking.   Honey, that's the world you choose to live and work in.  Suck it up.

So yeah, Emma Watson never changes for anyone but herself.  Right, of course.  Actors and models always have the privilege.  I've got nothing against Emma Watson.  I just wish this quote wasn't such bullshit.

Why my pipes aren't going to freeze.

My apartment complex seems to think that because my heat is off in the midwest USA, in February my pipes will freeze.  Let me explain to you why they won't.

A)  I'm in an upstairs apartment.
B) I share two walls with other peoples apartments, whom I presume have the heat on still.
C) I take very long hot baths at least once a day, and therefore have hot water moving through my pipes with regularity.
D)  It is simply not that cold out.  It isn't below freezing with regularity.

As an asside, if my pipes freeze- then 8 apartments worth of pipes should freeze. Therefore it isn't my fault.

Love Conquers All?

This bothers me, sort of because it's typical pink and blue(but that is besides the point), but even if you're a perfect match when you get together, it doesn't mean you'll always be a perfect match.  Things change in a relationship, emotional and physical factors change.  

There is no shame or blame in walking away from a relationship that isn't working for you.  Dear god, don't think there is any shame or blame in walking away if you need to.  If you aren't getting what you need out of your current relationship, do what you need to do to get what you need out of your relationship.  Get counseling, have a come to jesus meeting with your partner, or just walk away.  

Inequality and the workplace

The workplace is unequal pretty much everywhere, to varying degrees.  Minorities and women are hired less often than caucasian men.   How do we solve it?  Well one suggestion we offered in class was ending the world, then no one gets hired.  that's fair, right?

But seriously, I don't think we can fix it and I'm not convinced it should be fixed, to be honest.  Some supervisors just work better with women, or conversely men and therefore are partial to hiring their preferred gender because it fits better in that given office.  Is that inherently wrong?  I don't think so.

If you are hiring for a summer camp and you still need female counselors.  Therefore gender matters.  Working with kids, given that it's going to be mostly upperclass american kids who can afford your expensive summer camp, you need an employee who can speak in middle-upper class english.  Not someone who sounds like they just got off the ghetto train, a thick accent that most adults have trouble understanding.  You need someone who is approachable and presentable.  If they have a gnarly beard or green hair they won't get rid of, scary cavity ridden, chipped teeth that scare off most people then they aren't a good match either.  

Therefore the whole discussion is a moot point.  Appearances, gender, sexuality, and everything else we form biases around matters and dear god don't tell me it doesn't.  It might not be right, aways legal or ethical but it is the job market we have to work within, in the United States specifically.  So the depressing truth is present the image employers want to see when you job hunt, or else.

Risk Aware Consensual Kink(RACK) Vs. Safe, Sane, Consensual(SSC)

In one of my classes today, my professor used the phrase "risky sex" in the context of STI/Pregnancy risk. The first thing I thought of when I heard this phrase was kinky sex sort of risky.

I prefer RACK to SSC for lots of reasons.  I think that RACK is clearer and more accurate.  I'll break it down though.  Both phrases, used commonly by people in the kinky community convey more or less the same message, but again, I think RACK is better.

Risk Aware, all players involved acknowledge that there is risk and are aware of the risk associated with said activities.   Everything is a risk. What is the risk of this kind of impact play?  Are we minimizing the risk connected with this electrical play? What is the risk of those nipple clamps?  What is the risk of having kinky sex with that person?  Will this person respect my limits and provide appropriate aftercare?

Consensual is something both phrases have in common.  Consent is so important.  Consent is sexy.  No means no, all the time.  It isn't a no in disguise.  But a no doesn't necessarily mean a no to all activities. Maybe just penetration, or oral, or impact, anal or fart play.  Communication is key, kids.

Safe and sane.  Safe suggests that sex of any kind is a risk negative, or risk neutral activity.  Sex is -never- a risk negative or risk neutral activity.  Kinky sex even more so.  Though, most reasonable people would read this as the safest way possible to do a given activity.  I think the word safe is too vague.  For some people blood play is perfectly safe form of play.  For me, and most kinksters I know, Blood is totally off limits.  I think sane is also too vague.  Again what is sane for me, is totally insane for other people.

Kink!  Everyone loves kink right?

Whichever saying you prefer in your kinky activity, RACK, SSC, or one of your own invention remember to communicate!