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Mitt Romney- Anti-Gay Bully?

Mitt Romney outed as anti-gay bully

I think Mitt Romney is a pompous ass, for reasons that don't stem from stupid things he did to classmates 40 years ago.  We all have skeletons in our closets.  The trick is to own those skeletons before they can be used against you.  I'm not going to judge asshat Romney for what he did when he was 18, but I will judge him for not stepping up to the plate and owning his previous mistakes.  I'll also judge him for having a shitty political code now, but that's beside the point.

Images!

Ethics of Sex

Click Me For Porn

The concept behind the linked porn is a girl working a lemonade stand but standing in front of a curtain so you can't see behind her.  What customers of this lemonade stand don't see is behind the curtain there is a man doing typical porn related things to her, fucking her, vibrators, butt plugged and so on.

One of my friends linked it to me and my very first thought was "Man, I hope that this is all staged, because that concept not staged is about 4939050943 kinds of unethical."

It's unethical in the same way that not wearing panties and purposely flashing the shoe store attendant is unethical.  It's unethical in the same way that answering the door for a food delivery guy naked is.  It's unethical because people have the right to pick and choose what kinds of sex they participate in and the pizza guy and shoe store attendant didn't choose to participate in your kink or fetish, you forced it upon them and if you're decent human being, you don't force your kinks and fetishes upon other people.  Of course, that all hinges on you being a decent person, which may or may not be true.

So how do you have sex ethically?  Great question, I have answers.

-Only do sexual scenes with people who are in on it.  Assuming the producers of that porn are ethical, all of those customers knew exactly what was going on with that lemonade stand.
-If, for whatever reason your kink takes you and/or your partner outside, make sure that your kink is at least 15 feet* away from people who aren't part of it. Also, make sure that you're doing in an area that potential watchers have an easy way to leave.
-Leave your kink at home if you're going someplace children might see it.  I cannot stress this point enough.  If what you're doing will cause people to look in your direction and talk, do not do it where children might turn up.
-And, last but not least, be aware of local laws and the potential consequences of breaking them.  I'm not going to tell you not to do it because it's against the law.  Just know what you're risking when you make these decisions.

*in case you're wondering where the number for 15 feet came from.  It is arbitrary.  It is a number  I found on several kinky websites about this topic.

Myths of Slut-Shaming

Slut-shaming- the act of judging someone(typically women) based on real or perceived sexual behaviors.

Slut-shaming has one really big myth attached to it.  The first is that so called sluts do the things they do because of emotional baggage.  This is not statistically true and it's unfair to assume this is true for any population. You cannot presume to know how another persons processes life events and how those life events manifest in their personal lives.  Just because a person had a shitty childhood and happens to have lots of sexual partners, you can not assume that that person has lots of sexual partners because they had a shitty childhood.  It is never that simple.  When you assume are whatever way people are because of something that happened to them you negate just how resilient people are and that should never happen.

Where girl-power went wrong

Girl Power-Power exercised by girls; spec. a self-reliant attitude among girls and young women manifested in ambition, assertiveness, and individualism. Although also used more widely (esp. as a slogan), the term has been particularly and repeatedly associated with popular music; most notably in the early 1990s with the briefly prominent ‘riot girl’ movement in the United States (cf. RIOT GIRL n.); then, in the late 1990s, with the British all-female group The Spice Girls.

Women leaders are lacking across all walks of life.  There is a very large disparity of women in high paying job positions compared to men, as well as a disparity in women in math and science fields. So the idea of empowering girls is tempting, but what if it comes with problems.


The first problem I'd like to point out is the means that the early pushers of the girl power movement were The Spice Girls and Barbie style toys.  That's what I want.  Someone wearing next to no clothes dancing on stage telling my daughter to have girl power and/or playing with over-sexualized dolls. Sexualization of children much?


The second problem with this is that the idea of girl power is a direct contradiction to every other media message girls get.  "Don't be smart, boys don't want too much competition."  "Don't have sex, you'll be a slut." "Don't be powerful, after all a woman's place is being gentle and meek" The point is that girls receive so many damned mixed messages about the right way and the wrong way to grow up, until we rectify those mixed messages, we can't hope to smoothly transition girls into womanhood.

Marriage Equality.

I hope my generation isn't judged because we have a handful of crazies.  I hope when they teach about the bigotry GLBT people faced, that they teach more about the people and the organizations that worked against than those that worked for it.  But, most of I hope that they teach that history is important, because if you don't learn it, it will repeat itself.

Amen.

Glee Choke Recap and Review

I watched the newest episode of Glee and read some reviews and it got some heat.  Imma give a quick recap so if you haven't seen the episode yet and don't want to have the episode spoiled- skip this post.

-Rachel and Kurt had their NYADA tryouts.  Rachel forgot the words to her song and blew hers.  Kurt did a fantastic job on his.
-Puck failed a geography test and it appears he won't graduate with his class.
-Beiste's husband beat her and she tells everyone that she's left him, but in reality she hasn't.  

I really liked this episode.  It's really realistic I think.

Rachel apparently ruining her chance for NYADA fits, I think.  She's been such a star for all three seasons, I think bringing her back to earth sends a really good message that sometimes things don't happen like we'd like them to and it's really important to have a back up plan.

When I was in high school I was one test away from graduating like Puck.  I failed that test.  My teacher gave me a D anyway. So, let's not count Puck out of graduating on time quite yet.

Domestic violence is a huge deal, and I actually kind of love how Glee handled this.  We all know the right thing to do in this situation, or if you're a bystander in this situation.  The right thing involves leaving, accepting friends help, and not thinking it was your fault.  Let me tell you, doing the right thing is hard, really hard.  It is infinitely easier to fall back into old patterns.  It's easier to fall back into old patterns until you have the moment of clarity comes.  I can't wait to see what Beiste's moment of clarity is.

The Cost of Being Me

I am both a student, a feminist, and a kinky blogger who writes under an assumed name.

I turned in my last paper of the semester this morning and in that paper I pulled huge quantities of information word for word from this blog with minimal editing.  After I copied and pasted the information into my paper and changed a few personal pronouns I realized that if she ran my paper through the universities anti-plagiarism system there would be one really huge chunk of perceived plagiarism, and way more little incidences of potential plagiarism.  After all, I wrote my paper about many of the same things I've blogged about.

I put myself out there on this blog and have a generally good response to putting myself out there, but if push comes to shove and I have to out myself, I believe it'll be worth it.  Because everything happens for a reason, and after all you never put anything out on the internet that you don't want put on your permanent record.

What if the church*† is wrong?

*by the church I mean all churches that identify as Christian.

†The church is not capitalized because I believe that grammatical entitlements are earned, not demanded.  I actually carry over the same philosophy into my kinky life.

In the gospels there isn't a whole lot of talk about the church, or building a church. Jesus mentioned the church in two verses in the Bible.**  He spent far more time speaking about how to treat people than building a church.  The church isn't actually a creation Jesus made and built.  Rather,the church sprung up around Jesus. Sure, you could argue the Holy Spirit guided the people who actually built the church and designed the function and organization.  You could also argue that Jesus never intended to start a new religion at all.  None the less, the church perseveres, however it was or wasn't intended to come into being, it's here.  We've established that people built the church, not Jesus himself, and I think that's super important to keep in mind for the rest of this blog post.   

Why do we treat the church like it's infallible, when clearly it is not?  Why do we treat the Bible as infallible, when we know that it was written by humans, who are fallible? Why are people within the church often afraid to speak up when the church is wrong and since when did uniform conformity become so important for the church to exist?  Why is questioning so frowned upon in so many churches and when questions are raised, why is the answer often something circular that makes no sense if you're thinking rationally?   

**Mark 16:18&18:17

Apathy.

"but honestly.. fuck those people.  i dont even acknowledge their existence.  so they dont affect me"
 One of my friends on douchbaggy religions. 

There is a huge problem with this attitude. You should give a damn that repressive religions have a shitty moral code.  You should give a damn when any given religion wants to block or change how women access health care. You should give a damn when they think that GLBTQ people aren't worth the time of day and most of all you should give a damn because they vote in massive numbers and voting in what massive numbers is what gets their agenda passed into law and your agenda put on the back burner, assuming it makes it to the burner at all.  

And this is my get out and vote plug for the primaries.  If you've already had the primaries in your area, I hope you voted.  If you haven't done the primaries yet, learn your candidates and your polling location and get the fuck out and vote.  Let's outvote the douchebags kids.

A fine example of why the catholic church sucks.

Click me for an example of a time when the catholic church should be shutting the fuck up.

The feminist in me says that the catholic church doesn't allow IVF, or any form of contraception because the advent of hormonal contraception and non-hormonal long term contraception is, in my opinion,  the single biggest contributor to giving women some autonomy or agency over their sexualities.

If you want to strip women of the ability to truly plan their child bearing, something the World Health Organization says is a basic human right, then what else do you want to strip women of the right to do?

Let's just keep all the women at home with the kids and let the men do the heavy lifting and bring home the bread.

On a practical note, I don't understand the Catholic Churches opposition to IVF.  It's really good for a church to have a congregation that has lots of babies

Men's Health Final

These questions are my men's health final.  I'm going to write some comments about the reasons these are shitty final questions for any class. Check a box if you agree.

What is the implication between men and women regarding the mortality difference among men and women?

What are the top five reasons men don’t see the doctor?  You really want me to generalize all men in one question...really?

How does masculinity influence mens health and health behaviors?  Way to be heteronormative woman.  really. You must have missed the memo that masculinity differs from place to place and culture to culture.

Why are we studying the health belief model? Because you are a god damned idiot.

How are we going to use the precede proceed model to plan a health program?

What are the risk factors for prostate cancer?

What would happen if you don’t eat healthy?  Really.  Is this final exam worthy? 

What are the characteristics of a healthy relationship?

What are the barriers for men to be physically active?  You really want me to generalize all men in one question...really?
 Define 90/10 principles and how you’d use it?

How to use the four A’s to cope with life stress?  Uh. what?  You said yourself in class that you couldn't remember the answer to this and you expect us to remember this.

What are the reasons to use contraception?  There are about 2938482 reasons to use hormonal reasons, but only a few reasons to use non-hormonal contraception.  And again is this really final exam worthy?

What are the health benefits of circumcision?  Whatever the health benefits they aren't worth the cost of routine circumcision.

What are the five major reasons for people to have sex? mhmm orgasms.  yes orgasms.

What are five ways to prevent STIs? 

Not-rape

Not-rape= 1. when a person is sexually assaulted but it is not called rape.

This happens one of two ways typically. A) The victim of sexual assault opts not to label it as rape because they think it was somehow their fault, because they wore a low cut dress or because they didn't say no loudly enough.
B) The second way is when it looks like rape, it smells like rape, but it isn't legally rape.

I'm going to mostly talk about the second definition of not-rape in this blog post.  I was reading my student paper this week and it has a graph of crimes students were charged with and had categories for "sexual assault(non-rape)" and  "sexual assault(rape)"  I understand why these crimes were labeled as such, that it relates to the legal definitions.  However, I think that labeling sexual assault non-rape in the mass media without careful explanation is damaging.

I think that all sexual assault is traumatic and I think that when you see the details of a non-rape sexual assault, that lots of people think "oh well at least she wasn't actually raped." and the victim thinks "well thank god I wasn't actually raped."  In reality sexual assault is traumatic no matter how it occurs and those thought processes only serve to belittle the trauma of sexual assault.

At best, the victim will be surrounded by caring, loving people who support the victim as they get back on their feet.  They will hopefully be surrounded by people who stop these thoughts as they come and reassure the victim that they deserve and are allowed to feel however they feel post-assault.  At worst, the person will be around people who say "Oh, well it isn't like he actually raped you."

Grandparents

Grandparents are a special, special thing. in case you missed the memo.

Feministy Ramblings

I sat through a presentation over mens' birth control today and the man presenting talked about a hypothetical mens birth control pill and he talked about all of these issues with it.  Is it safe? Will it affect my ability to have children?  If it doesn't affect my ability to have children ten years from now how will these hormones effect me? Can I remember to take this pill every single day?

He talked like women don't juggle that, or like we're somehow super heros and faux hormones don't effect us negatively or like all women are great at remembering to take the pill every single day and it was just super insulting on a very subtle level.

Untitled

On really fine spring days, I can't help but think about my grandmothers' garden.  It was her pride and joy and no one in the neighborhood could top it.  My universities perfect flowerbeds just remind me of her.

I bet her garden in heaven, or whatever, is unbeatable.

Some random things+ Homemade Ranch Dressing

I'll do the random things first
-My asian professor kept pronouncing cholera, "chol-er-ia" in class today.
-Whenever I hear someone talk about ten years ago or fifteen years ago, I always think of the 1990's and the 1980's respectively.  I almost never think of 2000's or 1990's

Homemade Ranch Dressing.  I made this recently for the first time and I could never go back to bottled ranch.  I use light mayo and 0% greek yogurt for my base and season to taste.  Greek yogurt and mayo makes a really thick mixture, so thin it out with milk as needed as well.

It takes about 3 minutes to make with my electric mixer- which actually saves time because when I was buying ranch dressing I'd stand in the dressing aisle for no less than five minutes finding the best price/taste payoff.

Anywho that is it for today.  Happy Monday!

I have something in common with Miley Cyrus

Click me if you desire. Miley Cyrus Upskirt picture

I went to the store today in a a black knee length cotton skirt and no panties because I don't tend to wear panties in the spring/summer/fall.  My foot got stuck while I was getting to my car and I probably flashed anyone in eyesight while I was unsticking my foot.  Getting in and out of the car modestly in a skirt is almost impossible.  I try my best, and I mostly succeed.

Bonus Point Task for my male readers: next time you get in or out of a car, do it without spreading your legs.

But here is the thing.  Women like me and women like Miley, when we accidentally flash people getting in and out of cars, we're vilified no matter what.  We're vilified if we wear panties, or go commando. We're vilified if we wear lacy panties, or plain cotton ones.  We're vilified if we shave, trim, or do nothing at all to our pubic hair.  We can't win and it isn't fair.

Your kid isn't that special

I was reading a Facebook post today about a friends twelve year old son who wondered off to a friends house and didn't tell her.  Naturally when 8pm rolled around, she got worried.  Her son eventually meandered home and forgot to call.  He is grounded for the next month though.  

I saw a comment on her post though: 

"Kids don't realize how unsafe it is out there & what they put us Mom's thru pulling stunts like that. And that's cause lots of parents don't even worry if their kids still ain't home by midnight, much less care about someone else's child."  

And I wanna be really clear, I'm not about to bash a mother's worry over her child not coming home. However, I'd like to point the vast majority (like 90%*) of children are abducted and/or assaulted by people they know.  Family, friends, friends parents', teachers, older friends are the majority of sexual assaults/abductions.  

Telling your child that coming home after dark is dangerous because a man might jump out of the bushes and kidnap them or whatever does way more harm than good.  It sets them up to assume if they're assaulted or kidnapped it will be by a stranger when in fact it is way more likely that if they are assaulted or kidnapped that it will be by someone they know.  It prepares them for 10% of the danger and puts them at elevated risk for the other 90%  

Instead teach your children to be smart and to use common sense. Tell them to keep an eye out for red flags in both strangers and friends/family.  Most of all, don't let them live their lives in fear of the attack or kidnapping that will probably never happen.

*This number isn't something I pulled off of some crime statistic website, but rather it's a number I've heard over and over again through different medias and one I think is probably true.

Rats!

Froot Loop's Stitches

trix

coco puff's removed stitches(spay happened april,19th)

Trix's stitches

Coco Puff

Margo

Coco Puff

Froot Loop

JJ

Ella and JJ

Ella

Some pictures.  You can clearly see that the girls love their stitches. haha.

Pictures!!!!!!!

So I've done a lot of heavy feministy posts recently so I thought I'd do a pretty picture post!

Ella

More Ella

My pretty painted toes

Margo

My pretty eye make up today

JJ

Froot Loop

I had the most awful dream last night

I dreamt I was out of town and my petsitter was petsitting and something awful happened and she was at the emergency vet and needed to make a decision to treat or put to sleep and both my mother and I were unreachable.  It was the most awful dream ever.

On a happierish note, my babies get spayed tomorrow.  Yay for me, sad for my bank account.

Why Importance on Virginity is Bad for People

Virginity- the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, typically penis-vagina sex. 


America and other parts of the world have an obsession with virginity and it's toxic.  Religions put undue importance on chastity until marriage.


There is this concept called the commodity model of sex.  The commodity model of sex says that sex is a commodity. Social scripts say that boys pursue sex and that girls don't have it.  Feminists argue (and I tend to agree with them) that Judea-Christianity teaches that women hold onto their virginity until a man worth having puts a big diamond ring on their finger and they trade their virginity for a diamond ring that symbolizes ownership, protection, and financial well being.


So much importance is put on virginity.  Virginity is good and prized, therefore virgins are prized and non-virgins are not prized. This creates a number of problems.  The first problem is that this says that non virgins are not as valuable.  It says that women who have sex are not as valuable, prized, or worthwhile as women who don't have sex.  Does this offend you?  Because if it doesn't offend you, go get your head screwed on right.  This creates two "classes" of women virgins, and non-virgins.  Having different classes of people gives people in the higher class privilege to treat the lower class like shit and get away with it.


The second problem with this is that virgins and non-virgins worth is based on something that is or isn't.  You can't learn virginity or non-virginity. It isn't like being valued because you're funny, smart, or because you can do that really cool thing with your hands that no one else can do.  It isn't like being respected for playing the guitar or piano really well.  Wouldn't you rather be respected because of something you earn and work towards rather than something you are or aren't?


The third big problem is that an idea like this leaves everyone who isn't a heterosexual monogamous couple out in the cold. Because virginity is typically defined as penis in vagina sex, people who any kind of sex that isn't penis in vagina sex aren't included.  Are you still a virgin if you have oral sex?  anal sex? Finger sex?  Sex toy sex?  Virginity is not something you can give a one size fits all definition to and when people try to give such a definition to virginity you inevitably leave some groups of people out.  


I don't think virginity is any more special than sex.  I think you should have sex responsibly in a manner that both makes you happy and is pleasurable for you and your partner.  I think virginity makes a person special in the same way anyone who has ever been a virgin is special.

things I don't understand.

My hometown is in an economically depressed part of a state in the midwest with a small liberal arts Christian university who owns about half the property in town.  I blogged about them here.  

I was reading facebook and one of my old high school friends who attends this university was defending my hometown, which I'm prone to do and the final quote from the facebook discussion caught my attention.

"maybe they should go back to there own home towns and go to there awesome christian college that brings people all over the US into there town....Oh wait...our "dump" has that. not theres. lol"

I left the grammar as is, by the way.  Let's take this point by point.

-Awesome christian college.  There are awesome faith based schools, this is not one of them.  Academically they accept anyone with a pulse and a high school diploma or equivalent.  Their programs are not as good as the state schools and the tuition is four times as much.  Basically they're paying private school tuition for junior college benefits.

Most staff are paid less than or at 30k.  I don't know where you live, but that isn't enough to money to live on period.  Also all staff and students sign a contract agreeing not to drink, dance, have extramarital sex, participate in homosexual activities and a laundry list of other "sins.  And that's how awesome the "awesome Christian university" is.  One last thing, because they're a religious institution they don't pay property taxes.

-people from all over.  This is true, however, 90% of the student population does not work in my hometown so they are not giving back to my hometown with their tax dollars.  Students at this university have a tragically low off campus volunteerism rate.  So they really aren't contributing in volunteer hours either.

Let's talk about the staff.  We've already discussed how much they make.  So they give back in the form of local and state taxes.  Good.  But they don't have any extra income to give back to the community through donations to the Salvation Army, or the local food shelter.  They don't have extra income to go shopping and help stimulate the economy that way, and even if they had money to go shopping, no one goes shopping locally for anything that isn't food.

So how awesome is this "awesome christian university" again?  I think I lost the awesome. Has anyone seen it?

Please, give back to your college towns.  Get a local job, buy locally, volunteer.  Your college town has or will give so much to you.  Give back.

What I am in my head:

In my head I'm lots of things.

I've always got a fully stocked kitchen in my head and my rats cage is always clean.  I'm a foodie in my head, who blogs about the things I make. I always have clean underwear in my head and my apartment is always clean and tidy.  My bank account is always healthy and my car always has at least a half tank of gas.  I never have dry skin or acne in my head either.  My make up collection is all really nice expensive make up.  My cell phone battery never dies and my computer can support playing The Sims Three the way I want to play it.  I have a better storage system for my sex toys than a storage ottoman and my pet sitter doesn't live an hour away.

Anyway that's a picture how things tend to roll in my head.  I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!

Girls are like apples.

 

"Girls are like apples on trees.  The best ones are at the top of the tree.  The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apple one the ground that aren't as good, but easy.  So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they're amazing.  They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree."

This is offensive, that's what it is.  It creates two classes of girls the good ones(IE: purity princesses) who don't sleep around and the bad ones(IE: sluts) who do sleep around.  It says that the girls who aren't as good aren't worth respecting, or waiting for, when in reality they are worth respecting and waiting for, just as worthy as the girls who wait at the top of the tree.

Using examples like this reinforces about a thousand negative things that sex positive people today are working really hard to change.  It tells the purity princesses that someday their Prince Charming will come for them, just sit tight in the mean time and it elates them to think that they're better than the sluts below them.  It tells everyone who isn't a purity princess that they aren't worth as much as the purity princesses simply because they chose to have sex.

It also creates two stereotypes of boys, the ones who are willing to climb to the top of the tree and the ones who settle.  Prince Charming climbs to the top of the tree and plucks the apple of his choice and they live happily ever after all the while teaching the world around them that they are superior to other people of their age group.  If you're one of the common boys plucking up the apples that fall to the ground it does a number of things.  It tells you that the women you choose to be with aren't as good as other women, which in turn tells you aren't as good as other men who pick "better" women.

There isn't anything wrong with having consensual sex with whom you want, when you want, how you want it.  Not a thing.  Don't let anyone shame you into thinking that your sexual preferences, whatever they might be make you worth less than anyone else with different sexual preferences.  There is nothing wrong with you.

Ideas like this simultaneously elate and denigrate different men and women at the exact same time.  Shouldn't we shoot to send messages that boost up everyone around us, rather than just a select few persons?

Something I opted not to talk about in this post is the space that ideas like this create for people that identify as anything but heterosexual.  What do you think the space for GLBT peoples looks like when you have a script like this for sexuality?

Risks

I'm jumping head first into a risk and I'm really excited.  I know it's going to go one of two ways.
A) This was the best decision I've ever made.
B)  Well, that seemed like a good idea at the time...

However it ends, it's ok.  It's all part of the adventure.

What She Doesn't Have For Sale.

Click me for the article "What she doesn't have for sale" By Doug Wilson(my current target, if you haven't figured that out.)


"Quantity is not the only thing that matters. Traffic is not the only thing that matters. Sexual decorum is one of the foundational building blocks of Christian culture, and I would divide this decorum into three basic categories: authority, reciprocity, and modesty. Authority means headship and submission in each appropriate sphere, reciprocity means one man/one woman, and modesty means that a lady doesn't advertise what she doesn't have for sale."  


I could totally ramble for about 8 pages about the commodity model of sex and how this is a perfect example, but I'm not going to.  Instead I'm going to question what if she does advertise what she doesn't have for sale?  Cause I've done that. What are you going to do?  Stare at her like she's a piece of meat?  Stare at her with judgement radiating from your eyes?   Rape or sexually assault her?  


Newsflash: She's still a person no matter what she's wearing or promising.  She is still worth respecting and she isn't worth you if you found yourself agreeing with what Doug Wilson had to say.

My new goal!

I want to play with uncut penis before I die.

In defense of the gays

"Controversial status alert: Even though I didn't like Kirk Cameron much at first, the guy is respectable. If you can't at least acknowledge that, you're just choosing ignorance. Yes, he made anti-homosexual statements, and I feel like that's where most of the opposition comes from, so here's my point... He was speaking of homosexuality itself, not homosexual people. The question from Piers Morgan was loaded and Kirk didn't even get to finish what he was saying... Kirk spoke from his beliefs, and if we are Christians, we SHOULD support that. Does that mean hating homosexuals? No. Does that mean if you struggle with homosexuality you're automatically going to Hell? NO. Everyone has their own cross to bear. But agreeing with something that the Bible clearly addresses just because that's what the WORLD wants and because the WORLD will condemn us for believing the opposite shouldn't fly. Ever. And Kirk did exactly that. He spoke from his beliefs... That we all SHOULD share..."

So I've bolded, underlined, and italicized the important part of this facebook status.

You can't separate the manifestation of homosexuality from the homosexual person.  A person is homosexual because they are the manifestation of homosexuality. The only way the hate the sin, love sinner argument work is if it's fixable and worth fixing.  You can't fix something that isn't broken.  An accident of birth made me straight and him gay, why should an accident of birth dictate how I'm treated by one of the oldest religions in the world.  

I am not a gift to be given.

"In preparing for marriage, sons and daughters should be trained differently by their parents. “A son is reared up for independence. He is trained to leave, while still respecting his parents’ godly counsel. A daughter is brought up to be transferred from one state of dependence to another. Sons leave;daughters are given.”  

This is a quote from an article by Doug Wilson.  

I am many things, I am a woman, a blogger, a knitter, a student, a hard worker, smart, sarcastic, loud, clever, a lover, a sexual being.  There are also many things I am not.  I'm not perfect, organized, brillant.  I don't have nice hand writing.  I'm not really awesome at managing my money.  I'm really not a prize to be won a gift to be given and neither is Doug Wilsons daughter, nor anyone else's daughter.

BDSM, Feminism, and Enthusiastic Consent.

Enthusiastic consent is the radical idea that you're only sleeping with people who really want to sleep with you.  Click the link for more information.

I am an owned kinky subby, and I've struggled with where my feminist beliefs fit into that. I mean, I let a man tell me what to do with my body and I'm happy about it.  Isn't that sort of the opposite of what a feminist is?

As as sub, I don't love or even enjoy everything Mr. Dom Man tells me to do.  I do what he tells me to do because I want to please him.  I enthusiastically consent to be his sub and he consents to allow me to be his sub, because at the end of the day we're both abundantly pleased with how things shake out.  He pushes me( and I push him too), and I rise to the occasion, because that's what this sub does.  Sometimes I'm anxious about the things he has me do, but I know that he'd never ever hurt me because he only wants the best for me and I explicitly and implicitly trust him.

There isn't anything anti-feminist about that.

...My IQ just dropped.

Birthrate for U.S. teens is lowest in history

Here is a comment made on this story
"I don't mean this in a rude,ugly, or prejudiced in any way, but they should also include the fact that the rise in homosexuals is causing a drop in birth rate as well. When my kids were going through middles school I was saddened to see that it was almost trendy and post to be considered gay in those very important formative years. It is a fact they need to consider. You don't really have to worry about getting pregnant when you are engaged in gay sex."

And in case you were wondering if it's connected to abortion rates among teenagers, those are also down as well.  So teenagers are using protection and that is why teen birthrate rates are falling.

In the news-Man coerced minors to be sex slaves.

Click me for the article

You might be asking how does this happen?  How does one man coerce 100 children to perform sexually on cam?

Before you blame the parents about not being involved enough in their childrens' lives or blame the children for not telling their parents, think about what it was like to be fourteen again for a minute. You're on top of the world and in control of everything.  You're just now gaining privacy from your parents on the internet and on your phone, and then you get in over your head.

I dunno about you, but it would have take my fourteen-year-old self a whole lot to come clean about such things.  I'd almost rather myself be posted on a porn website against my wishes than have to tell my parents that I had taken my clothes off on cam for some stranger.

These parents are probably parents to children who are really good kids and are probably really good parents, and these kid who thought they could handle it and thought themselves invincible.

I'll never be Mrs. John Smith

I'll never take my husbands last name when I get married.  Won't happen.  I'll be Zazel Rodriguez* until the day I die.

I'll never take his last name because I'm not property to be bought and sold and I love the fuck out of my last name( fun fact of the day: my last name has kept me out of handcuffs.)  Actually, changing ones last name because you got married is really a lot of work.  You have to change social security information, bank information, credit card companies, work paperwork, alma mater(s) and I'm sure I'm missing something.  It's really quite the expensive process, or it can be.  If you have a passport, getting your (US) passport changed is about 100 dollars.

And that's why I'll never change my last name.

*names changed to protect the kinky.

Strange Recurring dream.

I've had this recurring dream for a while and it's totally strange.

My rats are in class with me and they escape, so they're caught and 8 or 12( I have six rats) are caught.  and I can't tell which rats are mine and which rats are wild/not mine.

I can tell all of my rats apart.  I can tell my adults apart by weight alone and I can tell my three agouti hooded babies apart.

I'd surely know my lovely ladies from anyone else's lovely ladies, let alone wild rats.

Raw

Raw is a really good way to describe how I feel tonight.  I went home for easter and came back to my apartment tonight.  I drove past the funeral home where my grandmother's funeral was  held and then the cemetary where her grave is.  There were little pockets of families visiting graves and laying flowers.  I wondered how long it had been for them.

In some ways it's nice that life moves on, and in others it's just heart wrenching. she'll see me get married or have children, or see me fall madly in love with some guy.  My younger cousins will never know the grandmother I knew.  The strong, capable, smart woman who was always a constant in my life.  Some of my cousins won't know her at all.

Then I remember how spent I was after visiting her in the 6 weeks she was in hospice care and how awful it was for every single person in the family.  I remember the hours I spent in the car and sitting her in little apartment with my aunt and other family.  I remember wondering how much longer this would go, because we couldn't keep doing this forever.

I know the universe doesn't make mistakes, and what happened is for the best, but it doesn't make it easier.

Funny dream!

Last night I had a dream!

It's me+Mr. Dom Man, and three other kinky couples I know from a website and we're all sitting around a bonfire at my house. The doms are sharing the subbies with the other doms and allowing the subbies to play with each other freely(I could totally see the latter, but not the former.)

And as the night progressed the subbies cuddled together for warmth and the doms were calling us back to cuddle with them but we refused and had our own subbie rebellion.  The doms were standing back and digging their heels into the ground for our disobedience(though, I'm sure we got our asses beat afterwards for our disobedience.)

Here is to you.

Here is to you.  Allow me to raise a glass to your honor today.

She made the best grilled cheese sandwiches.  She always had the prettiest garden in the neighborhood.  She had a faith that could move mountains.  She was a world class cook.  She gave the best presents.  Her house was always kid friendly.  Her grandchildren were her entire life.

She had the love of a lifetime with my grandfather. I can only hope that one day I find someone that loves me like he loved her.  He thought she was most beautiful woman in the world.

She's been gone a year and I miss her every single day.  I hope that I'm making her proud, and I hope she isn't looking down at my grimacing cause I'm kinky.  I want to honor her memory and remember the lessons her and my grandfather taught me.  Most of all I want to pay it forward, because that's all my grandparents would have wanted of their grandchildren.  To pay it forward.  They were the best grandparents on the planet and with gods grace, I'll get to be part of the the second most awesome grandparents on the face of the planet.

The Blurry Line Of Consent

"We catch the girls and kiss them and they scream and run away."-seven year old boy

Little boys and girls aren't stopped and corrected when such things happened, or at least when they are corrected it's with a smile or even laughter because it's funny when little boys and girls do that.  Kids soak up everything, including the soft correction of why it isn't ok to kiss people who don't want to be kissed.

When those little boys and girls grow up, girls become the pursued and boys become the pursuer. Even in middle school or high school if boys are caught pushing unwanted sexual interactions, it's a whole lot of "boys will be boys", or "we were all young once." Even more so if these boys are: wealthy, white, or star athletes.  The respective girls they pursue are taught that they shouldn't lead boys on, flirt, dress "slutty," or in other words do anything that could possibly make boys think you want to jump their bones. 

Once these boys who have managed to avoid learning that no means no, period get to college it gets even worse.  Alcohol blurs the line of attraction even more and more excuses are thrown around protecting the accused, "Oh well, you were really drunk."  "Did you see what you were wearing?" or my personal favorite, "You shouldn't have been walking alone at night."  Universities throw up roadblocks to prosecution.  Fraternities throw around their weight, and many universities use internal disciplinary procedure rather than making it an official police matter. ( Because all universities and colleges have to report crimes committed on campus, it is the best interest of the university to keep people from filing*). Coaches and professors use their credibility to keep rich, (typically Caucasian) frat boys, student athletes, and other student leaders out of trouble.

And just think all of this stems from a seven year old chasing another seven year old around a playground trying to kiss them. 

Last, but not least, I have an image to help you remember that yes means yes and no means no. period.

*Not all universities have these sort of practices.  A growing number of universities have really excellant processes for dealing with rape, sexual assault, and other unwanted sexual attention.

Why does it feel so good to submit?

Last night Mr. Dom Man and I had a really fantastic skype session, I had a really good fantastic and so did he.  But what makes the orgasm I had last night with Mr. Dom Man so much better than orgasms I have solo.  I mean I have really awesome orgasms solo all the time.  I never have bad orgasms either way…Do bad orgasms exist?  Hmmm, that’s a topic for another day. 

When I'm submitting, the best word that seems to describe submitting is nom.  The atmosphere a scene, or some tasks create and the headspace that follows and headspace is so important.  If a sub isn’t in the right headspace to be dominated like that (and a sub is not responsible to always be up for anything!  Subs can say no too!), then it won’t be as enjoyable as it would be otherwise.

But what really makes submitting as orgasmic as it is?  It isn’t the vibe on my clit, or the dildo in my pussy or the clamps on my nipples.  Though, those are all fun things.  It’s the chemistry and the trust you have with your dom.  Last night was one of the first times I really let go and opted to not watch the clock for my nipple clamps with any dom.  **I decided to trust Mr. Dom Man on that, wholey and that decision was the one that set the space for the why and how of our fantastic scene.  

I let go, and while it isn’t always easy to let go and surrender.  With the right dom, it’s totally worth it.

**When doing phone or skype sessions, it is really important to remember that if something goes wrong with the ropes or the clamps, it’s you that’s going to be dealing with it by yourself.   There won’t be someone else holding your hand in the ER.  Please, please don’t blindly trust any given dom to keep appropriate time or give appropriate advice.

Responsibilities of a Submissive

I blogged about the responsibilities of a dominant earlier, so I thought I'd blog about the other side of the coin, a submissive. So the responsibilities of a sub.

Communication.  Dom(mes) or playmates are not mind readers.  If you don't tell them that something is bothering you, you can't get pissy if they don't fix it. In my opinion, kinky relationships are much harder to make functional than non-kinky relationships and so kinksters really need to have tip top communication skills.

Honesty.  If you aren't being honest with your partner, any partner, what's the point of being in a relationship?  Like I said before, the nature of a kinky relationship makes it harder to manage than a non kinky relationship.  A lack of honesty can and will tank a kinky relationship harder and faster than a non-kinky relationship.

Clarity.  A sub needs to more or less be clear what they want out of the relationship and even the specific scene, if there is a goal for the scene.  They need to have an idea of their limits, likes, and dislikes.  Now a skilled and patient dom can take a newbie sub through limits, likes, and dislikes without "damaging" the sub, for lack of a better word.   I don't really like the use of the word damaging, but I can't think of  a better word. But is easier if they have ideas of things they might like, or not like.

To do the best they can.  A dom can't ask for more than that.  A good dom will push and demand excellence from their sub.  And a good sub will do their best to rise to the occasion(heh, rise to the occasion.  penis.  heh) and a good dom will praise the effort even if they don't quite hit excellence.

 

Untitled image 1

Amen.

Disclaimers-please read.

This post should have been done forever ago.  But anyway.

I only capitalize dom/me, sir or other similar term unless standard rules of English dictate that I should.  Don't take it personally.

I tend to write in a very heteronormitive fashion.  Feel free to change personal pronouns as you need to to fit your kinky relationship.

I typically will use the word dom to describe all tops, but if you identify as a top, domme, sir, madam whatever- change it in your head.

Whatever I write is typically written from the perspective of an American.  All stats unless otherwise noted are for America.  I don't have a lot of perspective about life outside of America.

Responsibilities of a Dominant

***Dominants have so many responsibilities. I so couldn't do it.

Doms are responsible to make sure their subs are comfortable and secure in the relationship and make adjustments as needed.  If a sub goes to their dom and expresses concerns or discomfort with the arrangement it is the doms responsibility to work with the sub to make adjustments as needed(and this is why I think multiple sub doms have to be super on point. I mean, if sub A needs more time, but giving sub A more time means taking time from sub B, C, and D...)

Safety.  Safety.  Safety.  Doms are responsible for checking all the physical (clamps, ropes, circulation issues)and emotional safety(headspace, subspace, subdrop) stuff in play.  A dominant needs to think with his head rather than with his penis in scene.  He needs the ability to push his subs buttons(in a good way!), push her to be a better sub and keep a cool head at the same time.

Aftercare!  Aftercare is probably my favorite part of kink.  Aftercare is comfort and debriefing measures performed after a scene/task is done. Cleaning and putting away toys or rope, tending to any bruises or wounds, talking about the scene, discussing favorite things they did, new things they tried, or something they want to add to the menu, cuddling or showering together.  Aftercare is truly unique to each individual D/s coupledom. Ask five different kinksters what their aftercare routine is and you'll (probably) get five different answers.

 Dominants, always make sure your girls know that you are proud of them. Show them that you appreciate what they do for you, what they endure for you. The worst feeling in the world is giving your all to someone who won’t even give a simple praise in return.

Just look at her and say, “Good girl. I’m proud of you.” Send her notes, pictures, anything that says, “Thank you for being mine and striving so hard to please me.” 

Even if she’s fucked something up. Don’t just tell her how awful it is, or bad she’s disappointed you. Tell her that it can be better, because she is better. Tell her that you don’t love her less or appreciate her less simply because she’s screwed up. Make sure she understands that you love her faults as much as the good. 

Just make sure she isn’t falling apart inside while you continue to tell her how upset you are. For a submissive, that is something almost impossible to repair.

-stolen from a tumblr-

Don't underestimate the damage that dumbinants can cause.

**this is written from a very heteronormative point of view.  Feel free to change personal pronouns as needed.
***this is is not exhaustive, but rather a good launching point.

mens health. ugh!

Mens health today was a whole different kind of awful today.  Lord knows I hate that class anyway.  In the start of class the instructor handed out a quiz went up to her and quietly pointed out that she’s been out for 2 weeks dealing with the recent death of her father.  And she wasn’t prepared for a quiz.  Voices fairly quickly got loud and the student left the class before it was resolved.  But that isn’t the awful part.  

My professor then used her as an example for the days topic, emotional health, four different times. It was the most unprofessional thing I had ever seen.  At the end of the class the instructor actually asked us how we thought she should have handled it and when a fellow student spoke up and said it wasn’t appropriate to use this young womans’ personal tragedy as a discussion point the instructor kept on going.   It was also probably the most awkward class I’ve ever sat through.  I didn’t even make snide comments I was so uncomfortable. 

I fully intend on talking to the student about what our trashy professor did.  My gut reaction was to file a formal complaint.  But then I realized it isn’t my complaint to file, it would be hers, given that it was her personal life that was used as a discussion topic.  I know that if it was me in her place, I’d be fucking livid and would file complaints until someone listened. 

And I believe that the correct way to handle the whole conversation would have been for the professor to tell the student to do the quiz and if she did poorly they could talk about it from there, for the record

On Not Drinking Alcohol

I choose not to drink alcohol. I've never enjoyed the taste of alcohol and I choose not to drink it and that's just fine with me.  I can go out and have a good time with friends without drinking and I don't mind if their drinking.  But one thing infuriates more than anything else.

When people think I should drink or say "hmmm. let me think of a drink you'll like."  like I'm abnormal or just haven't found the right drink and it bothers me.  I am happy being someone who does not drink. I'm not broken and I don't need to be fixed. K thanks.

In case you were wondering....

There won't be a second date.  He ended it by pulling up to my apartment, said "nice to meet you." and drove off.

On eating pussy

Dating bittersweetness

I love being owned.  I love being owned by mr. dom man.  and I knew when I accepted a position as his sub that if I found myself in a real life romantic entanglement I'd have to stop being his sub, because I have priorities and a real life boyfriend take precedent over an online d/s coupledom.  And I think that's how it should be for me.  I don't think it's fair, right, or reasonable to even try and keep both.

I've accepted this date and that means that maybe I won't be owned by mr. dom man much longer.  I'm not counting my eggs before they hatch, but this can only go one of two ways.  I gain a romantic entanglement and lose a dom or my first date with mr. date man goes really bad and I get to keep my dom is sort of a sobering realization.

I know I made my bed and I have to lie in it.  But either way it goes, I think it will be a little bittersweet.  I wouldn't change it though, not for a second. No regrets, no matter how my date goes.

And props to mr. dom man for being excited for me even though he knows as well as I do what it could mean.

Stolen From Tumblr

Source
"   There is nothing wrong with you.

You aren’t damaged, not because of this.

The thrill you feel when the heavy sting of a hand on your cheek cuts into you isn’t indicative of some wider malaise, an underlying sickness that you can only cope with when you’re drowning in pain. That is not why you want what you want. 

You aren’t submissive because your daddy didn’t love you enough. I’m not Dominant because I’m a borderline psychopath. I didn’t pull the legs off spiders when I was a kid, and I don’t have fantasies about killing my co workers. There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with you. 

This isn’t an outlet for the darkness inside of you, some fucked up shadow that you have to keep hidden when the civilised people are around. We’re not heroin addicts in the corner, getting high and getting low, and hitting rock bottom because of our addiction. This isn’t an addiction, and guilt isn’t your problem to have. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you’re not fucked up. Not you. No more than anyone else. 

Whatever issues you may or may not have, they’re not why you’re getting into D/s. They’re not why you like to be spanked, or degraded, or why you want to feel like you belong. Those are the accusing cries of those who recognize the attraction but are too cowardly to admit that to themselves. And so they lash out, and try to hit some truth somewhere. Everyone has issues. Of course they’re going to hit home eventually. Ignore them. Fuck them. You have this. You have me. They have denial. 

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re as perfect as anyone, just like this."

Amen. I could not have said it better myself. 

"who is she?"

So I told one of my friends about my date tonight and one of our mutual friends said "Who is she?"  Mostly kidding. I say mostly because I have reason to think that he thinks I'm a lesbian and that he's just waiting for me to come out of the closet.  Nope, sorry.  I like penis.  You'll be waiting a very long time.

Now that joke might have been funny if it wasn't my first date in about a year.  But it isn't you see.  Because what if i was actually a lesbian or dating a woman.  The joke my friend just made would make it 3034583905830953083409 times harder to come out and say, "actually, her name is lauren(that is if I was going on a date with a Lauren.)

So everyone enjoys making that joke when you find out a friend is dating someone new, but maybe it's counter-productive and detrimental to other people around you.

DATE!

I have a date tomorrow!  What will I wear? What shoes will I wear? How will I do my make up?  What purse will I take?

AHHHHH! my to-do list just doubled.

We don't need your Jesus.

I am a student at a large, well known, four year, public university that hails from the midwest USA.  We are nationally known for our parties and internationally known for our research and our academics.

My hometown is (regrettably) home to a small private Christian university.  It is a bigoted, homophobic, misogynistic institution.  Today they were on my beautiful college campus evangelizing to us.

Hear this.  We don't need your god.  Your god is a misogynistic, sexist, homophobic and anti-women's reproductive rights asshole and we don't want or need it our campus or in our town.  The town you call home doesn't need your god either.  Maybe your god needs a makeover or something.

BJIOGHIOHIW!

This describes my day.

funnies!

So my mother is a librarian. She's been a librarian since forever.  Her undergrad degree is in english and she has a masters in education.  She brings home about 31k a year give or take.  I have this school project and I have to interview two people one highly paid, one lowly paid.  We define the highly paid and lowly paid variables.  So this is a conversation I had with my mom today

me: So, you're gonna laugh but I need a favor.  I have this school project where I have to interview a highly paid person and a lowly paid person...and you're my highly paid person.

Mom:  How much does the lowly paid person make then?  Christ, I feel sorry for them.

BLARGH!

Class was awful.  My incompetent mens health professor made us debate the issues of sex before marriage, masturbation and prostitution.  To be very clear, I am not in favor of saving myself before marriage, and I am in favor of decriminalizing and regulating prostitution and I do very much love masturbating. 

Most memorable was the discussion over masturbation.  My instructor used a fictional student that could have been any of the girls in the room and the boys in the room girlfriends.  A 20 something coed who uses a vibrator to masturbate daily.  That’s me.  I am a 20 something coed who uses a vibrator (or three) to masturbate daily.  She started reading outdated literature that referred to masturbation as self abuse and talked about the numerous old wives tales connected to masturbation(hairy palms, going blind, ect)  and either didn’t care to or didn’t know that a student cited bad information when he said that masturbating can make (fertile) men infertile.   My instructor suggested that people who masturbate to relieve stress aren’t healthy and that there are healthier options, like going for a run. 

One particularly annoying thing that was said was "what if my partner masturbates so much that (s)he passes up sex with me?"  I've never known in my own relationships, or my friends relationships for that to happen, when the relationship was working anyway. The only times I've heard or seen that happen are when the relationship isn't working for one or both parties.  Masturbation and sex accomplish different things. Masturbation accomplishes usually accomplishes an orgasm, the completion of "me" time, and stress relief.  Having sex with a partner can be just the act of orgasming, but I think that more often it's the coming together of coupledom.  A union, becoming one or whatever.  It's an expression of how you feel towards each other. So if your partner is using, "I just masturbated." as an excuse not to have sex then it's time to look at your relationship rather than curse the evils of self pleasure.  Such an excuse used often is a symptom of a failing relationship, not the reason a relationship is failing. 

You’re teaching a class woman.  Use up to date information.  Don’t perpetuate old myths about masturbation; the catholic church does enough of that and they don’t need your help.  Teach that masturbation is generally accepted as a healthy alternative to other sexual activity.  Yeah,  you’ll have the wackos who think ALL sexual activity, including masturbating, should be saved for marriage, but fuck them.  They don’t matter.  Don’t demonize those who choose to masturbate to relieve stress. It’s as valid a form of stress relief as going for a run. 

Also in class we did a sexual values anonymous questionnaire and afterwards she asked us where we stood on specific questions.  I think that is in incredibly poor taste.  In fact, I can’t decide which is poorer in taste, demonizing masturbation or asking us to share our answers on the anonymous form. 

I think the real problem with demonizing masturbation is that by demonizing something as accepted as masturbation you shut down all the conversation to talk about other sex acts that might be beneficial to discuss.

In fact, all this talk of masturbating makes me want to go masturbate, so I'll catch you guys some other time